Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
