suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
