I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The feeling are messing with the penis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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