FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I did not marry a roomba.
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