the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
