I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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