I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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