She is in my trunk
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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