I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
