mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
