That's intense
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
