the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
