Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
