I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Randomize
