Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
