had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
