Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
