you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
