I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
