capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
