I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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