You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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