in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
