what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
