We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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