I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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