im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
