i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
