Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize