One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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