i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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