I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
