Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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