how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
