it hurts more in the daytime
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
