ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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