fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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