i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
