It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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