Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
