I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
