i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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