am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
