he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
