Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
