I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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