apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
