hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
