i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
