I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
