that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
