can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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