Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
