he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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