garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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