first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
