Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
