The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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