Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
