Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
