it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
