i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my sisters under your porch take her home
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
