Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
