Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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