Christians are straight up FREAKS
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
