You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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