life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
