he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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