Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
