i'm signing you up for texting rehab
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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