I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
