i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
