I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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